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My Life Story in Five Minutes

Dr. Jay Holland

All personal stories are unique. Even in that sense, mine is not ordinary. I know some have sunk to lower depths; many have achieved more, but few are those who have both regressed to the streets and risen again to perform functionally in the world. Over the course of the last several years, I have shared my life experience many times and in many settings. I have spoken in churches, prisons, halfway houses, Alcoholics Anonymous and the academy. In every case, I was at least remotely familiar with the needs of the community. Invariably, the motivating reason for my presentation has been pastoral in nature (this is the first time I have been asked to give an account of my past for the purpose of determining the future of Basic Progress). That being the case, nothing changes; I'll tell my story the only way I know how . honestly.

I am the son of a preacher, born in Texas and raised in the western hemisphere. My family lived in Colombia, Puerto Rico, Panama, Tennessee, Indiana and several places in Texas. My mother is an English teacher. In our family are four siblings: one older sister, one younger sister and a brother. My fellow siblings would probably tell a different story, but my childhood was hard on me. At an early age, my elder sister was diagnosed with a rare form of epilepsy, which, justifiably, became the family focus during the first few years of my childhood. By the time the younger two came along, she was stabilized. I am certain that there are consequences to that experience, but I cannot complain because it has been much harder on my father, mother and sister. To this day, she lives with my parents.

My parents left the mission field during my ninth grade year so that I could graduate with an American high school diploma. In 1977, I did so at Lafayette Jefferson High School in Lafayette, Indiana. Within weeks of my graduation, my parents returned to the Mission field and I was left stateside to fend for myself. The next decade was rough.

It is easier to explain my underlying personal issues than to deal with events. First of all, while I have long since reaped many benefits from the dynamics of my family of origin, at the time, I considered the religion of my youth very radical. I was raised in a conservative home with strict ideas about salvation, grace, church, morality, etc. It was not the most inviting environment for discussion. We were usually informed of truth, which the Bible explained quite clearly. Those who disagreed were functionally illiterate and lacking in common sense. While it seems that others in the household were relatively content, I had no inner peace. I played the 'PK' part well for a while, but when, shortly after my graduation, my parents returned to the mission field, I did not return to a church building, with few exceptions, for well over a decade. Of course in the mid eighties, I got married to my first ex-wife in a church building, and a few years later, I was the guest of another pretty gal who was to eventually become my second ex-wife. Whatever was happening for others in church wasn't happening for me. My heart was not in it or something, I do not know. I just didn't get it. Of course, my background has been vital to my recovery. I am now deeply grateful for my early experiences.

Second, the numerous moves during my childhood helped to destroy my confidence in people. I was not able to develop long lasting committed friendships. Although a common malady among military brats and missionary kids, I was self-centered to the extreme. I was miserable, and alcohol and drugs became the solution. Being a young strong bull-headed stud, I usually ran faster and lasted longer than most others. There were highlights of the eighties, but the lowlights disproportionately outweighed them.

Lastly, I was not one to plan ahead. I did not want to go to school; apparently I preferred to keep on drifting through life. Having worked in restaurants since high school, I decided to be a cook; or rather, I decided to be a 'world-renowned chef.' For training, I decided to join the Navy --certainly I could impress them. The recruiter explained the results of the entrance exam. I had scored the highest score in that region for that year. I was informed that I could be anything I wanted to be: nuclear mechanic, radar technician, could eventually qualify for training as an officer. anything. My mind, however, was made up. There is little doubt that I impressed that recruiter; wherever he is, in all likelihood he still tells the tale of the high-scoring fool who just wanted to cook! In summary, I was not equipped with a good combination of character assets designed for success: I was disorganized, selfish, stupid, and addicted to booze. Oh well, if life gives you lemons, take them and throw them at people.

My cooking career was one of rapid ascent. I became sous chef at a country club, chef du cuisine at a yacht club and assistant food production manager at Texas A&M. I married my first ex-wife, a Christian gal, and it was not long before my drinking career was one of rapid descent. After breaking up and reconciling three or four times, finally, we decided that 'Texas' was our problem. Running out of gas in Las Vegas, I took a job cooking an eight-hour shift that served the purpose of recovering from all the partying. Demonstrating more 'smarts' than I had given her credit for, the Christian ex-wife called me a 'drunk' and left me. I soon associated myself with some seedy characters, which, in a matter of weeks led to incarceration for making counterfeit coins and running them through slot machines. "Cheating at Gambling" was the charge in The State of Nevada versus James Holland. Cheating is a sin; Gambling is a sin: Hell doesn't get any hotter! I was in serious trouble and a failure even as a criminal.

After promising the judge that I would never drink or gamble again, I served the first half of 1987 in county jail. Within three months of my release, I was rearrested for the same offenses and charged with a Class D Felony. An atheist, a hung-over cook, and a divorced felon stood before the same judge. I do not know why judges take little things like this so personally, but he informed me that forty-nine other states in our glorious union would be more than happy to assist me through my five-year probation. He ordered me out of the state of Nevada! With my tail tucked firmly between my legs, I returned to Texas. My parents had returned stateside so at the age of twenty-nine, I resumed living at home with Mom and Dad for six months. Remember my earlier statement about a second guest appearance in a church building? For a while, that marriage held the record for permanence . it lasted over two years!

There was, however, one significant difference. After arriving in Texas, I determined to stay sober. Although it did not last, I had been exposed to Alcoholics Anonymous. The end of the second period of inebriation marked the beginning of my recovery from self-centered stupidity. Of course, having blamed my problems on alcohol, I knew that the world would be my oyster. Surely, things always for which I had always hoped would soon materialize and I would be on my way to stardom in the culinary arts. After the second divorce, I paused to consider my life: on the one hand, divorced while drunk and on the other hand, divorced while sober. hmmm, what do these two failed relationships have in common? It was an epiphany.

I threw myself into working with drunks and praying to a God to whom I did not really want to get to close, but He was keeping me sober. It was not long before I met a lady with whom I still enjoy spending time. Having been a single parent for several years, Brenda was not interested in a relationship, but she enjoyed my company. I did not want to get married again -it had become obvious that I did not know how to 'love' or even 'like.' Our relationship was safe. We chatted, prayed together, played together, and became friends. We have now been married going on ten years. For the first time, I understood how to have a good marriage: find out first what is in her heart and mind before you get too caught up in her bra buttons!

In 1995, Brenda and I committed our life to Christ. Within six months, we moved to Abilene for the purpose of attaining a college education. My brother, offering to pay, asked what I wanted to be when I grew up. When I told him that I thought God wanted me to be a minister, he came up out of his chair and screamed, "what?" Taking a few moments to compose himself, he chuckled a second, then mumbled, "O.K." I have no idea why I said that; it certainly wasn't planned. I am a twice-divorced felon, a fool of fools and historically, a social malcontent. Not exactly the earmarks of a prime-time televangelist, now is it?

In '96, I received a bachelor's degree in Psychology. For the last four and a half years, I have been studying Bible at the graduate level and have earned a master's in Biblical & Related and a Master of Divinity. I am currently working on a doctorate in pastoral care at T.C.U. Throughout this period, with the Lord's help, I have developed the Basic Progress curriculum, which is designed to assist people in their own spiritual formation and character development Basic Progress Ministries, Inc. is incorporated as a 501(c)3 non-profit organization and is the epitome of the, now in vogue, 'faith-based ministries'. Basic Progress is a deliberate effort to restore the fallen, to convert the lost, and to teach personal responsibility to the troubled. The essence of the Basic Progress curriculum is 'heart' surgery --it is designed to produce a new attitude, create a radically different perspective, and ultimately to harness and redirect one's basic personality to a life of forgiveness, grace, prayer, humility and faith. I am currently considering other venues wherein this proven tool for spiritual formation can function effectively. For me, the bottom line is that when crisis happens, I have something to offer. Not only do I believe that there is hope for everyone, I know it. If God can lift me up from the scrap heap of life, there is no one who is beyond His grace.

On my resume, the following paragraph is described as a summary of my skills:

James is currently Executive Officer and founder of Basic Progress Ministries, Inc. He is the author of a spiritual formation curriculum in use in the Texas Department of Criminal Justice since 1996. Other than his current training in Biblical Studies, his background is in business management. He possesses strong communication and organizational skills with extensive experience in hiring and training of employees, maintaining production and cost percentages, and procurement and processing of supplies and product for retail resale. James possesses advanced computer literacy with ten-key and typing skills (75 wpm). He has an excellent level of bilingual skills (Spanish).

Resumes just don't do a good story justice.

Godspeed,
Dr. Jay Holland