BP Partners

Home is Sacred -unless, it is not.

Coach's Note:

Home is sacred -unless, it is not. Unfortunately, this tragic situation is rather common for Basic Progress Participants. This is so far beneath the minimum standard for 'Dads', it is repulsive to think about, but it is real and somebody should comfort the victim 'his daughter' A remarkably talented and beautiful lady came to Basic Progress as a complete recluse filled with rage, bitterness and despair. She did not speak for three sessions. Her BP group carried her far enough for her to trust that we could be her friends. I am grateful that Basic Progress was given the opportunity to bring her to a place of closure and forgiveness. She has since remarried and, by her own declaration, is happier than she had ever even imagined. She just didn't think it possible.

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Dear Dad,

I am writing this declaration- forgiveness letter to you as a way of getting past the damage you caused me as a child. It has carried over into my adult life and it is time I dealt with it, confronted you, and got past it.

I hate that you molested me as a child and then acted as if it never happened and even denied it. That action awakened sexual feelings in me way too early. Those feelings should have been awakened in me by the man or men in my life that could possibly have become my mate, not by you. Those actions destroyed the father-daughter relationship we could have had. I never felt comfortable with your affection toward me after that. I know you loved me, but it was hard for me to love you back. There were days when I even hated you and wished and prayed that mom would leave you or that you would die. I felt some guilt about that after you died, but only because of mom's grief over losing you. Your actions affected my ability to choose appropriate Godly mates. I am working on that now, after two failed marriages. I am not putting all the blame on you, just stating that your actions have made this process more difficult. I have forgiven you, through God's help, I pray for God's help in putting this to rest.

I also hate the way you treated mom and your abuse of alcohol. I have so many bad memories of ruined Christmas. because of your excessive drinking during that time. I almost dreaded that time of year in my teenage years. I was always fearful that one day you might kill mom in one of your drunken rages and possibly turn onus kids. My trust in you as a protective, loving father was shattered as a result of your violence. I forgive you for this also just as Christ forgave those who crucified him.

I declare these experiences to be dealt with and closed, I intend to go forward, be stronger and wiser as a result of this writing experience.

(Signed)
Your daughter,